The Stench of Puppetry

Imperial envoy P. T. Reeker (Wikipedia)

Asked why he was visiting Serbia this week, Imperial envoy Philip Reeker responded that Belgrade was a "beautiful city." True, but entirely beside the point. Only a complete naif would believe that the real motive of this Foggy Bottom operative (with lengthy prior experience in the Balkans, no less) was sightseeing the indisputable natural beauties of the Serbian capital during the unprecedented midsummer heatwave - rather than, say, the delicate talks concerning the new government of Serbia.

Two months after the general election, reasonably believed to have been rigged, Serbia has a President and a parliament, but no cabinet yet. At first it appeared that the previous alliance of coalitions around the Democrats and the Socialists would be in charge again, until the Socialists switched partners and began talking to the Progressives.

(If you need a cheat sheet to keep track who's who, look here.)

All of a sudden the Empire noticed that the Socialists' leader used to be an aide to Slobodan Milošević; this bothered them not a bit four years ago, when his "pragmatism" enabled the Democrats' total takeover of state and institutions of society. Even though the new, Progressive president pledged to be a good and loyal client, the Empire doesn't know whether he can be trusted. So to preclude any possibility of Serbia wiggling out of its chains, Reeker was sent to Belgrade. And after he leaves, another Foggy Bottom official, Philip Gordon, will visit to reinforce the message.

The notoriously unreliable mainstream media in Serbia - largely controlled by the ousted Democrats - are churning out the wildest rumors, so it's difficult to figure out what that message might be. But not impossible.

One possibility is that Reeker and Gordon are trying to put together a "Grand Coalition", between the Progressives and the freshly ousted Democrats, in which the former president and Imperial sycophant Boris Tadić would have a role. Unlikely as this may sound, the Empire did manage to force just such a coalition on Vojislav Koštunica, back in 2007. Granted, the Democrats backstabbed that cabinet at every opportunity, and were directly responsible for toppling that government just as the Empire declared the occupied province of Kosovo "independent" - so that experience alone ought to serve as a cautionary tale.

Another option is that the envoys are not trying to dictate the cabinet's composition as such; Washington doesn't really give a damn who runs Serbia, so long as they remain aware they only rule at Imperial sufferance, and that any power they have is there solely in service of orders from Foggy Bottom. That means not just selling the Serbs of Kosovo down the Ibar River and acquiescing in the occupied province becoming Albania II, but continuing the policies of their predecessor in destroying the rest of Serbia from within. Remember: any size Serbia is too big for Empire's liking, and the only good Serb is an ex-Serb.

By far the most optimistic scenario is that Reeker and Gordon are merely trying to secure the new government's submission on the question of "Kosovia." So long as Belgrade leaves the "independent republic of Thacistan" alone, and delivers the defiant Serb remnant into its "loving" embrace, Washington couldn't care less what else they do. However, that would mean the Empire abandoning the notion of dominating Serbia itself, for both fun and profit. Given that having a puppet Serbia is pretty much the linchpin of Empire's "responsibility to protect" and "atrocity prevention" narrative, how likely is that?

All of the leaders and parties involved in the cabinet dance have pledged to obey the Empire, to greater or lesser extent. Tadić may have been the most flamboyant quisling, but Mlađan Dinkić has been steadily ravaging Serbia's economy for 12 years now. Ivica Dačić hopped on the Imperial bandwagon four years ago. And let's not forget that Tomislav Nikolić "rebooted" himself to be more to Empire's liking when he stopped being a Radical and became Progressive.

Will any of them have the intestinal fortitude to tell Reeker that Empire's vision for Serbia stinks? I doubt it.